Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
