You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
