the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
