i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
