Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
