my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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