just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My hand turned me down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
