Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
