her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
