Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
