i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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