I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
