I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
