you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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