i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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