At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
