Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
