Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
