And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
