Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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