He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
