I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dicks are not precious.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
