Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We are all done wearing pants today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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