i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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