So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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