I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
