my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
