there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
