How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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