my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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