belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
