It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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