we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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