you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
