I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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