yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
