im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
