So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
