He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do herpes really smell.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
