We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
