She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
