is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
