You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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