You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
