Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
