i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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