i just wanna soil my oats bro
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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