I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
