and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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