2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I think my moral compass just broke
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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