1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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