she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
