oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
