I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
