I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
babies were throwing up all over the place
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
