North Korea, Best Korea!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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