$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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