did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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